Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
