STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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