Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
