I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
