I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In other news, I just burned my penis
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
