so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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