conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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