First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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