ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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