I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize