please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
