belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
