Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
