It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
