I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
