I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
