I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
