I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
