i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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