I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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