remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize