I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
