Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
