Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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