Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
