I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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