the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize