He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
