Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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