Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
