my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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