I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
