YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
