so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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