This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
