Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
