She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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