So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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