i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
