OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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