There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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