Hey man sorry I got all grabby
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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