did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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