aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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