Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
