4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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