If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
