just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
