Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
