he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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