Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize