But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
