I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
