there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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