i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
