she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
