if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
