I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
