I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
