I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
