friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
