We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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