ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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